Managing a Shame Riptide

When shame shows up at work, it can create a lot of dissatisfaction with your job. A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail that pulled me in deep into a shame riptide. When I was able to reflect on it, I saw that it was someone else using shame to try and power over me. But because it hit some tender spots in my belief systems, I was sucked in pretty quickly. 

A quick lesson on riptides, if you are pulled into a riptide, you are not supposed to swim against it. You are supposed to remain calm, swim along the shore (not against the current), call for help, 

So here I am in the shame riptide. I know this because my heart is racing, and my stomach is starting to knot - classic shame response sensations for me. First things first, I know it’s not time to write back to this person. A quick response is not a wise choice in this situation. Not responding is the first step to staying calm. 

Then I started to look for the facts in the e-mail. I try to discern what are the facts in the situation and what are someone else’s opinions. I see this akin to treading water and swimming along the shore. The goal here was not to try and dispell or defend against any of them but to be able to separate them. Taking these steps helped me calm down and start swimming alongside rather than swimming against or fighting with reality. At this point, I was still in my feelings a bit, but once I’ve separated the facts that I needed to address, I was able to ask for help. So if ever find yourself in a shame riptide, follow these simple steps not to get caught up it and recover from a place of self-worth and respect.